I'll gather up my past and make some sense at last

For some reason I have this song I sang in choir in high school stuck in my head. The song is called Reach by Gloria Estefan and we sang it one year for graduation. I can think of a ton of other good songs that fit the theme of graduation..though none of those songs can really fit what I am going to talk about in this entry.

Over the past three years I have had a significant struggle with moving on from things related to the theatre I worked at three summers ago the New London Barn Playhouse. At this stage I reaching a point where I feel I can finally put all that stuff behind me. I had an eppiphany a few weeks ago when I was up in New London for chocolate fest and talking to Danielle one of the junior interns from my intern company who works at a pizza place that I went to lunch at. This eppiphany involved relaizing that in all the time I thought I could change what was going on at the Barn and how much I want things to stay the same as when I was there I realize that I should have did what so many others did long ago moved on. But I didn't... instead I let things I could not control bother me and affect me in ways I should not have. I wanted to stay connected to the Barn because I thought that things from that season were going to be forgotten.
People from my intern company have gone on to live their lives and make thier own careers. I took this to mean that I was going to be forgotten about by everyone and that people were going to stop being friends with me... that isn't the case and never was. I had the mindset that the way I was acting was going to affect relationships with people over the the long term but there are slim chances that it has. Everyone from my intern company is still friends with me but they were frusturated because I kept bringing up stuff related to the Barn so much and so often when it was honestly clear they had moved on.

So with this epipphany lies the honest truth that the Barn will never be the same as it was when I worked there and while some of the changes have gone on there have not made me too happy there is little I can do to change them. I can't be stuck in the past. The Barn has moved forward and changed for the better of the instiution. The memories I have of that summer are amazing but I can't let the past drag me down anymore. Time to look foward to the future.. something I should have started doing long ago. That way so many relationships with people from my intern company would not be so fractured.