Random Theatre Ranting- non related to reviews

I have a bit of time to kill before I have to head to school for a meeting so I have some reflecting to do... not related to shows or reviews just general thoughts. The next review I will be posting will be for the Milford Area Players production of The Foreigner which opens on Friday.

Yesterday I was looking through my livejournal from NEC for nostalgia's sake. I drew a relevant connection between how nervous I was that certain people from Carriage Theatre Ensemble did not liking me and how nervous I was in the interim time after I left the New London Barn Playhouse and that they were going to forget about me and etc. In both cases the key thing I realized about myself was that in both situations I was overanxious for no reason which may of course have lead to people formulating a negative image of me that I was obsessed which at the time I may have been but am not anymore. What I realized was that I was wicked insecure about myself in both cases and I should not have been so insecure about myself. I also might have been too concerned about what other people thought of me. I was like that for the first two weeks at the Barn Playhouse too before I got to know everyone I was working with. I remember one of the many late night chats I had with Will Porter after rehearsal for Annie Get Your Gun and he told me that I shouldn't compare myself to other people. Of course we had many late night chats and I couldn't pinpoint which one that was exactly but that particular conversation helped me to realize that I really needed to stop being so insecure about myself. Thinking back to that particular conversation made auditioning for the plays senior year a little bit easier. I don't really know if insecurity was really a big issue when it comes to moving on from the Barn Playhouse...what I think was the bigger issue there was the fact that I thought people were going to forget about me and obviously that hasn't happened.... memories haven't been forgotten either nor will they be. At this point where both situations are in the past I realize how foolish that I acted. I have gained a new sense of maturity recently and realized that it pointless to focus on such trivial things for such an extended amount of time. In what I am calling my revitalization period I am trying to focus more on important things.. like what is happening on the here and now with school,work, keeping current friendships strong, meeting new friends and my relationship with my boyfriend instead of trivial things that don't matter such as pushing people away from me because of being so focussed on stuff related to the Barn. As I said no one I worked with has forgotten about me or the memories we had that summer and it was stupid for me to worry about that and drive other people crazy in retrospect. Looking back on borh of these situations I realize now that what I really should have done is look at the big picture because I honestly think I was really quite shallow and narrow minded. Instead of stressing myself out about such trivial things I should have stepped back and realized that people do like me and care about me. I think that is the thing I really had a lot of trouble realizing. The people liking me part relates to the Carriage Theatre Ensemble issue because at that time I thought that there were three girls in the theatre troupe I was picking up bad vibes from and thought did not like me. Looking back at those livejournal entries I realize that my issue was my own immaturity about not being able to confront those particular people about how I was feeling. The more mature thing to do would have been thing would have been to talk to them about it instead on constantly worrying and living with the fear that they did not like me. The people caring about me part I have already talked about in regards to thinking that people from my Barn Playhouse intern company forgot about me which obviously hasn't happened. Distance between a majority of us is great as we are all spread out but the memories from our summer at the Barn are non-withstanding and will always stay with all of us.

So with this awareness I have gained by comparing these two situations I realized that in order to mature one thing I need to do instead is stop worrying about pointless things. In the long run it is not worth it.